Are You Shaming or Sharing Hope?

Business owners are sending shaming messages to others. WOOF. Your bark has a bite. We’re all feeling like dogs with a shock collar. Stuck inside with uncertainty of where the border ends. But inaction only feeds fear.

When Dysfunction Is Disguised As Help

Blame. Shift. Shame. It’s a common tactic used by dysfunctional people — any licensed counselor will tell you. 

But what happens when you don’t realize the root of your fears or dysfunction is affecting others? I’ve seen a lot of disappointing messages posted online by fellow entrepreneurs:

• Stop supporting Amazon. Shop local.

• If you don’t shop local, you don’t have a heart. (Or, better yet) you don’t care about the economy.

• The businesses you support now are the ones who will be there after COVID-19. Think about it.

• I hope you feel good about your Amazon purchase. [insert snarky tone of voice here]

Let’s set aside these obvious manipulation tactics. Here’s what I think the fear-based messages are really saying:

• MY business is suffering so shame on YOU for not shopping with MY local business.

• I started a business without creating a business plan. I didn’t identify economic threats. But it’s YOUR fault for not buying the luxury items I AM selling because I thought the economic boom would last forever. 

• I spend more than I make and I don’t have a smart budgeting system or self-control. But shame on YOU for not spending your own carefully-budgeted money with ME. 

• I’m freaking out and I have bills to pay. I never expected this. But YOU should ignore your needs and cater to MINE.

Blame.

Shift.

Shame.

When Your Fear Shames Others

First, let’s take a breath and a different perspective. We’re all guilty of letting fear dictate shame-filled messages to people who love and support us. Most of the time, we’re pretty clueless as to how we employ manipulative tactics to get our way.

But using your fear to continuously manipulate other people through shaming messages is WRONG and it isolates those who would lovingly and generously support your business or cause. In short, now that we know there’s a problem, it’s time to address the root.

Friends, my businesses are just as affected as yours, but I’m not shaming you for taking photos with your iPhone. In fact, how about some free tips? I won’t chastise you for not kicking your small business marketing into overdrive. We’re all figuring this out. Creativity is birthed from trials.

Many of us are trying to be generous despite uncertainty. We have some control over this. But there’s no one else to blame for bad behavior or attitudes but SELF.

I love your brand. But we need to deodorize that attitude, sister.

In Defense Of Amazon

I debated writing this but it needs to be said. I mean this in the most sincere way, but chances are, you don’t have a clue as to how social distancing really feels and how it affects every facet of your life until you’ve been chronically sick. For years. Not weeks.

Bleeding to death. Unable to work. Surgeries. A husband who travels most of the week…

So guess what? I DO hope Amazon survives COVID-19 and I’m glad that the company is providing MORE JOBS during this season to people like single moms and, yes, even business owners. Because Amazon helped ME survive with easy access and delivery during some very serious times of recovery. And despite it being a huge corporation, Amazon hires thousands of LOCAL people.

Tell me how your “shop local” luxury jewelry will miraculously heal my $700+/month chronic health issues and then I’ll listen. And I’ll fire my local healthcare providers while I’m at it. But shaming me when I’m already down is pretty low. Please. Ease up.

Check Your Fears

So, I’m going to check my Enneagram 1 attitude now, as I encroach upon hypocrisy, sending my own shaming message.

I’m right here with you. It’s frustrating. I’m angry. I had big business goals this year and instead, I’m dipping into savings. I’m still sick so I’m wondering how long savings will last. Wondering how this is all going to come together. Where is our help? When will it come?

We’re all in this together. But we’re acting as if we have no hope by shaming others. Let’s make a pact to check our egos and our fears at our lock screens. Here are a few things I’ve been working on these past few weeks.

• The SBA has an easy process for business owners to apply for funding.

• Personal loans can be taken out for as low as 5%.

• Now is a good time to reassess your expenses or hire a financial coach.

• Define true wants vs. needs. And get serious about cutting out unnecessary expenses.

• Focus on creativity, not complaining.

• Admit you need HELP. Being a human being and sharing a heartfelt need resonates better than a fear-driven, shame-filled message hidden behind resentment.

Let’s not on shame those who are intelligently assessing their own finances to avoid getting into debt. You’re not the only one ready for a haircut or a wine night out with girlfriends.

Exhale fear. Breathe in strength. 

#wereinthistogether #ridetherecession