Affirming Your Teenage Daughter
Photo by Michelle Loufman
I recently attended an affirmation party for a friend’s daughter and it was such a smart idea, I wanted to both preserve this memory and share it with others.
What is an affirmation party?
Simply put, it's a gathering of family, friends and supporters who have had a strong influence on your budding teen's life. In this context, it’s designed to give wisdom and to affirm who God has made her to be. You can integrate your own traditions or faith.
Most societies create a rite of passage for teenagers’ transition into adulthood. I think this is where the U.S. is severely lacking. In parts of Africa, the Maasai send their young men into the wild for months to be come men. The culmination is them killing a lion — a rite of passage and a smart practice for this tribal group to protect their livestock from predatory animals. Latin cultures celebrate a daughter’s coming of age with a quinceañera.
Thankfully, an affirmation party is much less intense, neither requiring a spear nor a miniature wedding-like celebration.
The goal is to send your teen son or daughter into this next life phase with confidence, built up by the group of people that love this teen the most.
Photo by Michelle Loufman
How to Host an Affirmation Party
Think of the people that have had a positive influence in your teen's life. Babysitters, friends, family members...those with a strong faith who live their lives with integrity.
Invite them to an affirmation party. It’s structured a bit like a high school graduation.
Gifts from guests are NOT expected, but parents may choose a special gift to bestow upon their teenager. In this case, she received a ring with a Bible verse engraved on the inside of the band.
Ask guests to write a one-page letter of encouragement (see below), even if they aren't able to attend. Ask them to email it to you a few days before the party.
Create a scrapbook with the compiled letters. It can be as simple or fancy as you want.
After guests have met, mingled, eaten and gotten comfortable.
Bring the guest of honor to be seated at the front of the room (you may need to push, pull or bribe)
Pray over your teen
Ask guests to speak to some of the questions asked for the letter of encouragement.
Creating Letters of Affirmation
Guide your guests in affirming your teen with a few prompts:
Photo by Michelle Loufman
... what are some of the strengths or gifts you have seen in her?
... what are a few words of wisdom you would recommend to her as she enters adulthood?
... what are the most important character traits she should make a priority?
... do you have any specific vision of what she may become or be as she considers her future?
The particular teenager I celebrated with mentioned it was a life-changing moment for her.
Parents of teens know that sound wisdom or direction often fall on deaf ears. But they are listening. Teenagers too often marginalized because they haven’t “lived life” yet. As if they can control that.
By acknowledging their gifts and affirming their character at the onset of a very precarious stage of life, you’re watering a beautiful seed that will bear fruit in the future.
